Monday, December 31, 2012

Something simple you can commit to

Just now I was in the midst of one of my `eat junk while watching junk' episodes..
it's a deep neural pathway carved in me - more the watching junk than eating junk. It's so addictive being in zombie mode. Occaisonally I take a long break when the fear of throwing my life down the drain is strong enough to wake me up for a little while; but usually I am in zombie mode fantasizing about how from tomorrow I will dedicate every moment of my life to worthy causes.
I love the idea of finding something small you can actually commit to - rather than fantasizing about a revolution and feeling guilty about not being able to follow through.
So I asked myself `can I press pause on this movie and stop eating Doritos for the next 5 seconds?'
That was what my mind could commit to at that moment; anything more seemed inconceivable. I think when you are in the midst of a deeply rooted pattern, even a 5 second pattern interupt can really rattle those neurons.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

A daily hill climb

I sit and work at a cafe in a shopping mall. I do everything with alarm clocks. A 3 hour work session and then it is time for what I call a `pick-up meditation'. I set the clock to ring an hour or so later. For the next hour, my focus is on talking to girls I am attracted to. It seems completely impossible to me to talk to a girl I don't know. It seems everybody hates me and I am the outcast, the pathetic loser of the shopping mall, trying desperately to get a few crumbs of attention from the people who are `set'; whose life is in order and have a good fulfilling social life.
I don't want to go on with even trying - as the trying is what evokes this negative thoughts. I want these thoughts to stay buried inside, not to feel them.  But a part of me knows already - there is nothing wrong with you - this is just the process you go through when taking a step out of `the matrix' - we are kept tightly inside it not by electrodes stuck in our head, but by deep emotional conditoning: You take the smallest step outside the social norm - and acute emotional pain is triggered.
I take a very gradual approach inspired by Eric Disco. At first just get comfortable walking around, noticing girls. Don't be afraid of small steps thinking they are pointless. Just get near girls you are attracted to  - just get into the flow of taking action when you feel attraction, rather than being paralyzed\hypnotized by useless thought. Every small bit of action , as opposed to the regular state of hypnotized paralysis, accumulates and helps more than you can imagine.
After 10 minutes or so, I see a nice girl. I think `am I able to just ask her where the train is?'.
After standing there like an idiot for about a minute, I manage to do so.
I feel really stupid, but together with that feeling of akwardness that has arose, something has opened up, has warmed up.
Walking around for another 10 minutes, the thoughts keep coming `I feel stupid.' `There are not too many girls now here. Maybe it's better to do this later. Maybe this is a good time to have lunch'
Then I see her. The way she walks, so sensual, so elegant, so delicate, the archtype of femininity.
I am hesitant as usual. I just casually walk behind her. I try to feel my urge to talk to her. Get to the point where I feel that desire, that anticipation..that desire for fun of spreading that energy, strongly so that it overrides inhibition. I feel it pile up. I think `I am just going to give her that energy. Given her an energy boost. I am not concerned with looking stupid or getting anything out of it'. Of course, as a fanatical believer in Karma, I believe strongly that if give her a mood boost I will get a kick-ass reward! (In a time and place only the universe knows). I say `Hey, do you speak a little english?' `Yes.' `This will sound a little weird..' (when I say that that makes women really comfortable - like they assume I must be incredibly normal and not weird if I acknoweldge that)
`but..some honest complement that she inspired me to give her at that moment'
After a minute of chatting she says she's in a bit of a hurry, she has to go back to work soon.
I just say bye, nice meeting you.
After that thinking I could have asked her to meet after work.
Then again the process starts same thoughts same doubts,
but now more energized from that interaction.
After 20 minutes, I find her, something about her walk, her attitude, makes me notice her.
I start to walk after her, occaisonally seeing someone else and thinking `maybe she's cuter?'
but focus now.. I focus now thinking again, if nothing else I will give her an energy boost for the day.
This time the chemistry is stronger and when we shake hands , hands stay connected for a while, with electricity in the air.This time when she says she's in a rush, I remember to get the number first.
Knowing you daily overcome your limiting beleifs, your negative emotions, builds confidence like nothing else.
For a long time, I was sure my family thought I was crazy, or at least a bit weird, for trying to eat vegan.
Until one day at dinner, just before flying abroad for a few months, my brother tells me at dinner he's been thinking about it for a long time and he's going to try to stop eating meat (precluding fish).
Coming back from abroad, my father tells me he has reduced his meat consumption to at most twice a week. Amazingly, after only two weeks of this, blood tests show his Cholesterol and Thyrod activity, which were too high, have gone down dramatically. As a consequence, he could significantly reduce the amount of medicaiton he takes for these two problems.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Through the darkness of winter, and the beauty of spring, our love grows.
It was destined to grow through fear, pain, loving glances and sounds,
creating a flower never seen before, gentle, with small traces of bitterness.
A combination of a wounded child, a spoiled princess, a narcissist and a queen,
together with 2 infinite spirits, sharing this journey.
It grows stronger and stronger. Your presence echos in everything I do.
It is inevitable. Everything I do, even if it is getting away from you, is for you.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Hanging on a thread,
always a moment away from both euphoria and pain,
on the edge of a sharp knife,
having glimpses of true peace,
and then, with the momentum of the mind overwhelming,
the world cuts you again.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

The beauty of small details, keeping you away from large worries,
only pain gives enough motivation to stay alert, in the razor's edge of the Now.
Where bliss, where refuge, where protection are always present.

Tuesday, December 04, 2012

Vipassana and Inception

In the movie Inception, the Japanese guy gets shot. The way to save him is
to send him into a very deep dream within a dream within a dream, where things progress very slowly.
where that wound is not an overwhelming solid event, but manifets in a slow sequence of subtle hints.
Last night, I felt a wave of sadness coming (related to some girl issue as are all my eupohria\sadness cycles in the last 2 decades:-) ). I knew it was going to overwhelm me into doing something stupid.
So I felt this strong motivation to go deeply within with Vipassana,
to a level of conciousness where this solid emotion, breaks down into a multitlude of small events in the body, a tingling here, a small pressure there. It's like going deep into the bottom of the ocean and waiting for the storm at the surface to pass.
I felt like the fear of sufferring from being caught up in that storm was so great,
the memory of pain of being caught up in similar ones so many times,
that my motivation to stay in this deep level was stronger than ever before.

Buddha says to his disciples in one discourse:  The amount of blood that you have shed by
being caught as thieves and beheaded by an order of a king, is more than the water in all the oceans.
This sounds ridicolous: the amount of blood we have shed, not generally, but *for that specific reason* being  that great? Perhaps just an exaggeration to make a point, I usually think.
But today I think, maybe not. It seems my lazyness, my impulse to look for perfect answers outside rather than inside, even after I have the tool to go inside, is so strong that maybe that is the amount of suffering you need to go through to truly relinquish finding a perfect life by adjusting external circumstances.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The main moral issue

Procrastinating at work - (Sometimes it's hard to do more than 15 minutes of math at a time) and reading some internet news site.
I saw this article, regarding a debate about whether gay couples in France should have legal rights as parents.
In the article there is a picture of a cute gay couple with their baby at Eurodisney.
I think one reason we enjoy reading about such things is that there is an implied assumption that if we are dealing with a relatively subtle moral issue, a kind of nuance, then we must be pretty enlightened moral people, a relatively enlightened society. Otherwise, we would be dealing we heavier issues, but if this is what the news is talking about, we must already be moral in our dealings with the more basic issues. This gives us a nice pat on the back, a pleasant stroke for our egos.
But this is bullshit!
We are for the most constantly in denial that modern human society runs on a daily basis on the extreme suffering of 99.9% of living beings on the planet - the animals that feed and dress us.
The next revolution, I believe, will be that the only criteria for whether a being should be free from pain, is that it has the ability to feel pain.
Instead of feeling guilty about it, do *one small thing* and feel good.
Use soy milk or rice milk, once a week with your breakfast cereal.
I love the idea of meatless monday.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Waves of pain, waves of pleasure.
Our lesson is to learn not to be carried away by them.
To stand in place as they pass through us.
Each time we do, we get a glimpse of the peace at the bottom of the ocean.
Each time we do, we can positively respond to life, rather than negatively react.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

At a moment of weakness you will always be willing to quit and not follow through.
Perhaps that is the definition of a moment of weakness.
That is why we had to descend to this world with alll its limitations,
limitations that make convenience and quitting impossible.
I heard Zan Perrion say (maybe misquoting) `every great life requires a great renunciation'.
Burn your bridges, until you don't know which side you are on anymore.
Cross out of your comfort zone so much, that you start to confuse comfort and discomfort.
Let go of any assumptions of what is `normal', until you cannot distingusih between
dreaming and waking.
How much you are asleep or awake does not really depend on such a superficial thing.
What a huge challenge: Enjoying and appreciating the pleasant moments,
without being frustrated when they are gone.
Always being open to what life is giving you at *this* moment,
instead of complaining - `why can't I have more of *that* moment?'.
We came here to challenge each other,
we have known each other for a long time, my love.
God's love is greater than ours, for the ones ready to trust.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

I have a new Guru:
This guy is called Chase Amante. He focuses on the relationship man-woman thing,
but I got into him from a more general article he wrote called `How to overcome depression'
My first instinct was that an american positive-thinking type coach would sound shallow and
have nothing to add for me, being involved in Vipassana meditation traced back to the #1 self-help
coach of this world-cycle: Gotama the Buddha.
But surprisingly, I found something about his writing bring to life, and make tangible,
the crazy levels of persistence and energy that create a better happier life.
Find the demo of his book on the site and read the first few pages - that's what triggered me to write this.
I feel new hope and inspiration for having some awesome exciting happy times tonight, not when I am enlightened in 5 lifetimes.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Tuesday evening, sitting in a coffee shop (which is what theoretical computer scientists get paid to do)
I suddenly experienced this deep happiness. Like everything was so beautiful, for example, my used espresso cup,  it almost made me cry. It was like the first time I took E and  saw a coca cola cap and was amazed by it. To have a record, I wrote the following words during that time.

This moment feel like I am on Ectasy, something is shifting
 conciousness wants to flow strongly through me
 burstring through

After a while, I returned to the regular preoccupied with worries and thoughts states,
but for me it is further evidence, that a state of euphoric happiness, is where evolution is taking us.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

I have a fantasy about women that excites me, one I would actually feel comfortable to share here.
The way research goes for me, every day I try an idea, usually it immediately fails.
Once a week, say, there is an idea that seems to have potential.. but usually is seen to be useless
after another week.
Once or twice a year, there is an idea that has some value, although it is not a great discovery.
And through all this rarely do I get depressed, worried, thinking `Ahh.. it will never work out. I'm a faliure!'
I just enjoy the process, calmly, with a feeling that eventually things will work out.

I wish so much I could approach dating with the same calmness.
I see a beautiful girl in a bus station, she looks at me a  bit.
I try to start talking to her. It goes well.
We end up taking a nice walk.
I send her an email. She replies.
Ask her if she wants to meet. She says she can't Saturday, but how bout Monday.
We meet Monday, she is so cute I can't believe she's here with me.
I try to kiss her, she says she doesn't kiss on the first date.
and then immediately it starts  `Ahh.. you see? Nothing will ever work for you with Women! You are cursed!!'

All day drifting in this sea, sea of thoughts and emotions,
at times seems like just drifting aimlessly..
those moments of connection eye to eye, quiet, clear,
heart to heart, make it all worthwhile, make it make sense.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

I have more trust in life lately.
Many mornings it gives me pain and lonliness rather than
what I dreamed and hoped for.
But by the end of that day, I see how that pain and lonliness drives me,
to transformation, to evolution. I am grateful that what I wished for has been delayed by another day, so that when it comes, my capacitiy to enjoy it, my capacity to give back will be that much greater.
Instead of a comforting relationship, I am forced everday to climb a hill, get out of my inner shell, and talk to that beautiful girl I see.
Instead of being absorbed in thought, which is so seducing when things are pleasant, the negativity and pain in thought in unpleasant situations forces me to trancsend thought, forces me to be present in the now, observing thought from the outside, learning not to be trapped in it.
Slowly these things develop freedom, alignment with reality, inner peace.
I learn to relax and enjoy the journey, knowing from experience that when it is embraced, everday brings wonderful moments, so unexpected and different from the ones you dreamt about.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

She shines so brightly, like the sun.
He wants to run to her, be as close as possible, be united.
After being burned a million times, throughout countless lifetimes,
a deep resistance, a deep wisdom has been built within him.
He will build the capacity to contain that light, before coming closer.

She captiavtes so completely, like a spider's web.
He wants to ravage her, let all his twisted fantasies and emotions
explode on her mind and body.
After seeing countless times how each movement traps him deeper,
a deep patience has been built within him.
He will build deep tranquility before uniting with her again.

When the right moment arrives, sun and earth, predator and pray, will all
be at peace.


Thursday, September 27, 2012

These songs I try to sing, will only make sense, will only be completed, when you are here beside me.
Just before taking a shower, I see an ant in my bathtub.
To save it from the flood to come soon, I take some toilet paper and try to gently
pick it up and move it. It runs away  and I think whether the stress
it's experiencing  from this rescue attempt is not worse than death
in the shower (Maybe the real saints would wait till next morning to check if it is gone
out of it's own free will. Maybe real saints stink and are sticky)
Finally I manage.
And I think if it is not a perfect analogy:
Forces we cannot comprehend, death being one of them, guiding us
to a better place, and we create a nightmare for ourselves by resisting them.
Maybe one of the great challenges is to *trust* life gives us what we need
at every moment.. To resist the instinct, that I feel so strongly in myself, to
hang on to whatever little we have in fear of being left with nothing.
Perhaps life gives the greatest rewards to those who trust and let go -
arghh.. but so hard to do!!

Monday, September 17, 2012

All this life,
to live one perfect day..
perfectly pure, no lies, just smiles,
we've been moving towards it all our lives,
missing our chances time after time,
to reach the moment where love conquers all.

I remember seeing you, and not thinking twice,
how it came to the place where I can't think about
anything else.
Looking for you in another woman's eyes.
An endless journey to reach that one perfect day..
let me die in your eyes when I reach it..

All this time,
where is it leading us?
What is left from deep looks that seemed eternal?
What do hours or centuries of staring mean in eternity?
Still, I know where my journey lies..
when I reach it let me die in your eyes

Friday, August 31, 2012

I feel you here in my mind, wanting to give me all this love and acceptance.
It all depends on my ability to let you in, my capacity for accepting your gifts.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

I want to rock your world,
go all the way without caution.
I love the way you say my name, grunting a little, grinding your teeth a little.
I want you to say it again and again, grunting more and more,
till it becomes like the incoherent sounds of a demon from the underworld.
I want to go full circle and have my demon and angel unite.
I love the following definition of power - it is inspired by Tonny Robbins and Eric Disco.
Personal power is your ability to take action to make your life better, independently of whatever thoughts and emotions are going through your mind and body.
I feel lonely, I feel the world is against me, I feel fate is against me, karma is against me..
can I still sit and meditate and observe the negativity instead of wallowing in it,
can I see that beautiful girl and go talk to her, rather than wallowing in the thought of
how it is my destiny to be alone.
can I pick up the phone when a friend calls me instead of wallowing in the thought of how I am too introverted to talk right now.
can I pay my bills instead of wallowing in the thought of how it is my destiny to be disorganized and pay all the late penalty fines.
it seems to me too stressful to try to do this all day,
but my experience is that that making one such proactive initiative a day is enough to be happier
for the rest of that day (well.. especially when it's the beautiful girl one)
The way Eric says it
`You cannot make a commitment not to feel certain things or not to think certain thoughts. But you can make a commitment to take small, manageable actions towards becoming the person you want to be.'

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

arriving at an airport 11 hours early by accident, not much to do, not much distractions,
I feel such a range of emotions - joy , enthusiasm, frustration, horniness, peace, self-pity, impatience.
A moment I am swept away by frustration, feeling this is a time to let a connection die, 
feeling this is the moment the love and connection are being torn,
but a moment later it is revealed that connection has deeper roots under the ground, or has grown back stronger. A surprising sense of peace and satisfaction returns.
Am I following an illusion or are we destined to discover how deep those roots go?


..anyway, don't spend 11 hours in an airport - it sucks! 

Saturday, August 11, 2012

A cool thing that happened to me -
yesterday working on 2 lectures I have to give on Wednesday..
I suddenly feel this incredible agitation, unrest..
before I know it I find myself halfway on the Haifa - Tel-Aviv road
going to dance Contact.
I get there .. see this cute girl.. smile at her
she asks me `Are you Ofer?'
I say `I can be Ofer if you want, and you will be Sharon'..
and we get into this crazy conversation..
I love it when I meet a girl that I feel I can say anything that is on my mind,
and she actually likes the weirdness.. anyway the conversation dies down a bit..
after a while I try to initiate more convo.. but she seems somewhere else..
So I say to  myself `well.. I'm all wrapped up in my sankharas right now
(Pali for mental negativities\defilements ) so nothing good is going to come out of
any action right now , so I may as well do my evening meditation now-
rather than doing it at midnight when I will be falling asleep all the time'
So I sit in the dance studio and meditate.. really feel a lot of junk coming up-
all the times I wanted a girl's attention and did not have it, how that sucks..
Suddenly towards the end of the meditation., while I am sitting with eyes closed she comes next
to me and says `I am going. Do you want my phone number?'

Like Goenkaji says `Dhamma Works!'

Friday, August 10, 2012

I hear her say to me 
`Be strong for me..
Trust our love.'

I feel the heaviness in my words, my actions.
The demon still possesses me. But with my determination,
he gets weaker everyday. I get lighter and lighter.
I have more frequent moments of lightness, of joy.

befriend the pain,
the pain that has controlled you for years.

The pain that men prefer to start wars, conquer a continent ,
start a political revolution, fight with their mother in law, check
their email 200 times a day,
rather than to sit for 5 minutes, and accept, that it is there,
it is part of me... after all these years .. trips .. degrees.. courses..achievements..
experiences.. it is still part of me.
Do  not despair , do not think that accepting it is defeat,
accepting it brings true transformation.. can I be humble enough
to accept that after going from a geeky teenager to a `successful adult'
I am still just at the start of this transformation.. at dealing with emotions that
I have run away from for decades.

How funny it could be if somewhere up there a
soul said to itself
`I need to learn to deal with this emotion..
so I will spend a 100 years in this body so that
sometime in these 100 years.. I will be so tired of
running away from it.. that I will spend 5 minutes
feeling it'

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

Meditating, it is always a surprise when moments of great peace come.
A certain negativity or defilement is in your mind. You are meditating on it with the
help of the body sensations and the breath. Who knows how long it will stay there..
then at an unexpected moment it dissolves , and you feel the peace underneath it.
The peace that the Buddhist belief says is part of the base of a pure mind -
`base' meaning it is the default state of the mind..  it is what is there when nothing else is generated,
when the negativities that were generated before are washed away.
Makes you think of the possibility of living continuously in that state of peace..
that as I understand it, is what life is like in the Brahmanic plane (if such a thing exists), and
that is only a pale shadow of what Nirvanic peace is like.
But I try not to think to much about these things - that are just abstract fantasies for me -
and focus on what is tangible for me - increasing and intensifying those moments of peace,joy , love ,
dissolving the resentment and the tensions inside of me.

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Fears

I read somewhere that in addition to positive thinking, occasionally
saying your fears out loud can be good for you. Here's what I came up with
(p.s. obviously I think practicing Vipassana as taught by S. N . Goenka is better than both)

Snakes can crawl into my bed.
People think I am pathetic.
I will spend year after year alone in the same office,
thinking about the same imaginary mathematical objects.
Time will pass , and this body and mind capable of feeling love
and excitement will be wasted, not used.
I will be old and sick and miss my opportunity to have
beautiful young love.
I will be an old man lying in his bed, masturbating , dreaming about
the same women, the same things.
My denial of the actual reality will grow stronger and stronger.
I will drink more coffee, watch more porn, watch more Seinfeld reruns,
to escape from my loneliness, my decaying body, my frail health,
my growing sadness.

One unexpected day, while masturbating in my bed, dreaming about
a girl that was mine for a short time, the snake I feared for so long will crawl
into my bed. Looking into his eyes, he will say in my mind
`this is the moment of exposure, the moment of truth, the moment of payment
for a wasted life'

after spending time writing all this I will accidentally delete everything.



Monday, July 30, 2012

My love,
will I have another chance to sing looking into your eyes?
Preferably the corniest love songs.
Will our hearts meet again to expand together? Or are our paths destined stay separate from now on?
I focus on finding happiness here and now,
but once in a while I pray for more magical moments to share.

To quote westlife
`I'm reaching for a love that seems so far..
`So I say a little prayer, and hope my dreams will take me there,
where the skies are blue, to see you once again my love'
`....over seas from coast to coast.. to see you once again my love'
amazing how every love song seems to be exactly about you,
exactly true.

rings so true, by westlife.. wish I could write like this.
..
`If I let you go, I will never know,
what my life would be holding you close to me.
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know, if I let you go?

night after night I hear myself say, why can't this feeling just go away?
There's no one like you, you speak to my heart
it's such a shame we're worlds apart
I'm too shy to ask (well.. don't identify with this specific line.. maybe `I'm to shy to ask for the 20th time')
I'm too proud to lose (well.. actually I would easily let go of that pride if we could make out on a  regular basis),
but sooner or later I gotta choose
and once again I'm thinking about taking the easy way out


`But if I let you go, I will never know,
what my life would be holding you close to me.
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know, if I let you go?


..OK well actually rereading it now I think it's about a slightly different situation than I was thinking of,
but still most of it resonates with me.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Inner demons

whisper in your head
`let your emotions rule you'
`wait another day before doing what you should'
`don't even try to reach out to a hostile world'

while they think in their heads
`let us rule you'
`let us control you for another day'
`don't even try to break out of our hostile world'
`keep wasting your time, till the end of this incarnation, till the end of your opportunity,
when inner demons will again become outer demons, inner hell will again become outer hell'

We must focus on taking a small step away from hell each day, and be happy with that. Each day transform a particle of negativity to a particle of love,peace, happiness.
Particles accumulate. Consistent action pays off.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

When you have no peace, it seems like a million things need to be just right for you to find it.
But at a moment when you experience peace, you know that peace is all that is needed for peace.

Sunday, July 08, 2012

making plans, living in dreams,
our bodies and subconscious carry us in a different direction.
I try to merge conscious and subconscious, rather than living in a fantasy

Friday, July 06, 2012

Waking up suddenly, we vow to never fall under
the spell of evil again.
But the ocean's waves are so high , and
we sink below, not knowing how many years will pass
till our heads are above the water again.
The memory of fresh air, must direct us upwards,
prevent us from filling our lungs with dirty water.
That memory will keep one particle of our lungs sheltered,
until the time it is ready to manifest again.

Dormant gods have moments of hope.
Dormant Buddhas have no need for water or air.
Their hope is like stone.
In a battle for the heart of an angel, we should both lose,
so that she is never conquered, and can shine on us all.

In our quest to kill a demon, we should give up immediately or
she will start possessing us.

In an attempt to break out of this prison, we should die a 1000 times,
each time releasing one of the demons or angels that lives within us.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Miracles

At a moment of despair it seems the years have been in vain,
as the same brick wall of sadness stands there.
But a moment later you recall, that brick wall is
now soft like a cloud,
it evaporates as you step through it with your attention,
it has changed together with your consciousness.
As a bonus,
at that moment of recollection, gratitude dissolves resentment into love

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Realizing you were wrong about one small thing,
pondering on the error of that one perception,
you realize you are spending your life standing on a small rock,
while there is a huge land to be explored.

 Taking any assumption you make about the world,
 pushing it aside, and exploring the complex reality beneath it.

 Feeling how one limitation was lifted, you poke at others,
 they do not feel like stone, but like dough.
 They become flexible when your mind is soft and flexible.

 Instead of being cut off at a certain intensity, hate is allowed to play its course and dissolve,
revealing the peace underneath it.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Suddenly an angel
drops down from the sky.
She's been waiting for you
to feel the ground.

Waiting to discover,
what's buried in your heart.
To feel the energy,
that keeps you alive.

Suddenly an angel, like a rising sun,
makes a connection that opens your eyes.
She says `I am only powerful..'
`when you can feel my light'.

She opens a door for you,
but still flying is so hard,
to release the envy,
that keeps you on the ground.

She opens a door for you,
to fly in outer space,
so wonderful the time with her,
so easy and light..

Suddenly an angel, like a falling star,
makes a confession that opens your heart.
She says `I am only beautiful',
`When seen through your light'

She opens a door for you,
if you step into her eyes,
you could release the anger,
that keeps you on the ground.

She opens a door for you,
to float in outer space,
so heavenly the time with her,
so perfect and right..

but then she says `let go of me'
and you feel your heavy heart.
`you should go back home again,
I only came to point the way'.

So once a while, every year or two,
she surprisingly drops by,
she holds your hand but doesn't kiss your lips..
`I only came to point the way..'

You cry `angel, won't you marry me?!'
and politely she smiles,
she looks into your eyes and says
`you're not here to make that sacrifice'

and she tells you of a previous life,
where you loved each other, like a man and wife
In a small house, on a mountain
you were together through the whole day and night

just let me walk a moment in your light
before sunset we must part
I must find my way back home
pretty soon it will be dark.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

you speak the language of my soul,
we share the same delusion,
we hold hands and jump down a waterfall,
while thoughts of a lifetime run through our minds.

No stopping, no criticizing , just thoughts running.
When you hold the hand of your true partner,
falling feels like flying.
Our heads in the clouds ,
our eyes fixated on the heart of the sun,
while our bodies fall.

You know the meaning better than I,
when I say `this world is always filled with doubt'
you know it is the same as saying
`This world is the perfect playground, for the one seeking to
go beyond'

You speak the language of of my mind ,
we share the same confusion,
we stand together breathing the same air,
while fears of many lifetimes brush us through the wind.

No stopping, no criticizing , just emotions flowing.
When you look into the eyes of your own reflection,
the wildest storm dissolves into dew drops

Our ears always searching for the primal vibration,
searching for a real connection

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Hi! I am a computer science postdoc. For some reason google is not finding my new homepage so I added a link from this profile