Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Fears

I read somewhere that in addition to positive thinking, occasionally
saying your fears out loud can be good for you. Here's what I came up with
(p.s. obviously I think practicing Vipassana as taught by S. N . Goenka is better than both)

Snakes can crawl into my bed.
People think I am pathetic.
I will spend year after year alone in the same office,
thinking about the same imaginary mathematical objects.
Time will pass , and this body and mind capable of feeling love
and excitement will be wasted, not used.
I will be old and sick and miss my opportunity to have
beautiful young love.
I will be an old man lying in his bed, masturbating , dreaming about
the same women, the same things.
My denial of the actual reality will grow stronger and stronger.
I will drink more coffee, watch more porn, watch more Seinfeld reruns,
to escape from my loneliness, my decaying body, my frail health,
my growing sadness.

One unexpected day, while masturbating in my bed, dreaming about
a girl that was mine for a short time, the snake I feared for so long will crawl
into my bed. Looking into his eyes, he will say in my mind
`this is the moment of exposure, the moment of truth, the moment of payment
for a wasted life'

after spending time writing all this I will accidentally delete everything.



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