He didn't know what to do.
He wanted her so much in his life.
He said to himself, practice staying positive, practice being emotionally independent;
so that when you have the chance to be with her, you won't screw it up.
Her image became his motivation. Suddenly it became easy to stay calm in a
traffic jam, to spend 4 hours going in and out of the house looking for keys
and then looking for something else he dropped while looking for the keys.
What did it matter missing this or missing that?
All that mattered was using the time to develop the qualities that would enable them
to be together.
Suddenly difficult, frustrating situations were a good thing.
He knew she was difficult and frustrating, but not more than many other things.
He knew he was spoiled. He built a life where he could set the borders.
He could kick out anyone that did not act according to his predefined rules and behaviors.
He was good at not getting lonely.
But a life without this magic.. he was not ready for it,
he would always yearn for it.