All day drifting in this sea, sea of thoughts and emotions,
at times seems like just drifting aimlessly..
those moments of connection eye to eye, quiet, clear,
heart to heart, make it all worthwhile, make it make sense.

I have more trust in life lately.
Many mornings it gives me pain and lonliness rather than
what I dreamed and hoped for.
But by the end of that day, I see how that pain and lonliness drives me,
to transformation, to evolution. I am grateful that what I wished for has been delayed by another day, so that when it comes, my capacitiy to enjoy it, my capacity to give back will be that much greater.
Instead of a comforting relationship, I am forced everday to climb a hill, get out of my inner shell, and talk to that beautiful girl I see.
Instead of being absorbed in thought, which is so seducing when things are pleasant, the negativity and pain in thought in unpleasant situations forces me to trancsend thought, forces me to be present in the now, observing thought from the outside, learning not to be trapped in it.
Slowly these things develop freedom, alignment with reality, inner peace.
I learn to relax and enjoy the journey, knowing from experience that when it is embraced, everday brings wonderful moments, so unexpected and different from the ones you dreamt about.

She shines so brightly, like the sun.
He wants to run to her, be as close as possible, be united.
After being burned a million times, throughout countless lifetimes,
a deep resistance, a deep wisdom has been built within him.
He will build the capacity to contain that light, before coming closer.

She captiavtes so completely, like a spider's web.
He wants to ravage her, let all his twisted fantasies and emotions
explode on her mind and body.
After seeing countless times how each movement traps him deeper,
a deep patience has been built within him.
He will build deep tranquility before uniting with her again.

When the right moment arrives, sun and earth, predator and pray, will all
be at peace.

These songs I try to sing, will only make sense, will only be completed, when you are here beside me.

Just before taking a shower, I see an ant in my bathtub.
To save it from the flood to come soon, I take some toilet paper and try to gently
pick it up and move it. It runs away  and I think whether the stress
it's experiencing  from this rescue attempt is not worse than death
in the shower (Maybe the real saints would wait till next morning to check if it is gone
out of it's own free will. Maybe real saints stink and are sticky)
Finally I manage.
And I think if it is not a perfect analogy:
Forces we cannot comprehend, death being one of them, guiding us
to a better place, and we create a nightmare for ourselves by resisting them.
Maybe one of the great challenges is to *trust* life gives us what we need
at every moment.. To resist the instinct, that I feel so strongly in myself, to
hang on to whatever little we have in fear of being left with nothing.
Perhaps life gives the greatest rewards to those who trust and let go -
arghh.. but so hard to do!!

All this life,
to live one perfect day..
perfectly pure, no lies, just smiles,
we've been moving towards it all our lives,
missing our chances time after time,
to reach the moment where love conquers all.

I remember seeing you, and not thinking twice,
how it came to the place where I can't think about
anything else.
Looking for you in another woman's eyes.
An endless journey to reach that one perfect day..
let me die in your eyes when I reach it..

All this time,
where is it leading us?
What is left from deep looks that seemed eternal?
What do hours or centuries of staring mean in eternity?
Still, I know where my journey lies..
when I reach it let me die in your eyes

I feel you here in my mind, wanting to give me all this love and acceptance.
It all depends on my ability to let you in, my capacity for accepting your gifts.

I want to rock your world,
go all the way without caution.
I love the way you say my name, grunting a little, grinding your teeth a little.
I want you to say it again and again, grunting more and more,
till it becomes like the incoherent sounds of a demon from the underworld.
I want to go full circle and have my demon and angel unite.

I love the following definition of power - it is inspired by Tonny Robbins and Eric Disco.
Personal power is your ability to take action to make your life better, independently of whatever thoughts and emotions are going through your mind and body.
I feel lonely, I feel the world is against me, I feel fate is against me, karma is against me..
can I still sit and meditate and observe the negativity instead of wallowing in it,
can I see that beautiful girl and go talk to her, rather than wallowing in the thought of
how it is my destiny to be alone.
can I pick up the phone when a friend calls me instead of wallowing in the thought of how I am too introverted to talk right now.
can I pay my bills instead of wallowing in the thought of how it is my destiny to be disorganized and pay all the late penalty fines.
it seems to me too stressful to try to do this all day,
but my experience is that that making one such proactive initiative a day is enough to be happier
for the rest of that day (well.. especially when it's the beautiful girl one)
The way Eric says it
`You cannot make a commitment not to feel certain things or not to think certain thoughts. But you can make a commitment to take small, manageable actions towards becoming the person you want to be.'

arriving at an airport 11 hours early by accident, not much to do, not much distractions,

I feel such a range of emotions - joy , enthusiasm, frustration, horniness, peace, self-pity, impatience.

A moment I am swept away by frustration, feeling this is a time to let a connection die, 

feeling this is the moment the love and connection are being torn,

but a moment later it is revealed that connection has deeper roots under the ground, or has grown back stronger. A surprising sense of peace and satisfaction returns.

Am I following an illusion or are we destined to discover how deep those roots go?


..anyway, don't spend 11 hours in an airport - it sucks! 

A cool thing that happened to me -
yesterday working on 2 lectures I have to give on Wednesday..
I suddenly feel this incredible agitation, unrest..
before I know it I find myself halfway on the Haifa - Tel-Aviv road
going to dance Contact.
I get there .. see this cute girl.. smile at her
she asks me `Are you Ofer?'
I say `I can be Ofer if you want, and you will be Sharon'..
and we get into this crazy conversation..
I love it when I meet a girl that I feel I can say anything that is on my mind,
and she actually likes the weirdness.. anyway the conversation dies down a bit..
after a while I try to initiate more convo.. but she seems somewhere else..
So I say to  myself `well.. I'm all wrapped up in my sankharas right now
(Pali for mental negativities\defilements ) so nothing good is going to come out of
any action right now , so I may as well do my evening meditation now-
rather than doing it at midnight when I will be falling asleep all the time'
So I sit in the dance studio and meditate.. really feel a lot of junk coming up-
all the times I wanted a girl's attention and did not have it, how that sucks..
Suddenly towards the end of the meditation., while I am sitting with eyes closed she comes next
to me and says `I am going. Do you want my phone number?'

Like Goenkaji says `Dhamma Works!'

I hear her say to me 

`Be strong for me..

Trust our love.'